i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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