U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
