Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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