Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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