I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
