u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
