Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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