i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
