he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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