Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
