I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
