On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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