There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
