so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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