best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
