at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Enjoy the penises
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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