Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
