Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
