my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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