is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
