What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
