last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
