If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
