Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
