ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
