Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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