Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
