Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
