final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
