So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
