You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
