I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
