I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
