I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
