He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you never un-have a 4some
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
