that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
