Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
do nipples grow back?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
