So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
