i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He? As in you personified your dick?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
