Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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