you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
