Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
