OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
