look no pants
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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