I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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