the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
