do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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