guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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