During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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