don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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